Scintilla Day 14 ~ Out of Control

5 April 2013

Image credit: Public Domain

This post inspired by The Scintilla Project's Day 14 prompt B ~ We exert control over ourselves and others in many ways. Talk about a time you lost that control. This can go beyond the obvious emotional control into things like willpower, tidiness, self-discipline, physical prowess… any time that you felt your autonomy slipping away.

I went around the bend. Like, completely loco. No shit. I'd waited, for four months I'd waited, for this day. And kicking myself, all the while, for having ever left him. I could't wait to feel myself back in his arms once more. Could. Not. Wait. The flight felt like a slow motion one. My extreme excitement and anticipation meant I felt waaaay to wired to sleep. And, then, finally, touch down. Mad exodus from the plain. Everyone. All at once. In a blur I make my way to the Border Control Immigration desk. The man behind the counter asks me how much money I have on me. I tell the truth and respond, "Oh, about a dollar." Wrong answer. 

So they pull me aside for further questioning. Something broke inside me. I could feel it, just feel that I would not get to stay, that what I'd waited for so long would slip through my fingers. I couldn't deal. Particularly since they put me in this room with glaring fluorescent lights, very uncomfortable plastic seats and a door that locks from the outside. I wait. And wait. And wait some more. They question me. They're mean, they crazy make just because they can. They send me back in the room. I start ripping the newspapers to shreds. Some Immigration Officer bitch comes into the room and tells me to stop. So I stop. And I go into the washroom, where I unravel the toilet paper and watch it spill in a pile onto the floor. I scream. I want a sharp object. Anything. Anything at all to stop this pain and torment bleeding into and through me. I'm out of control, mad as a hatter.

They kept me in detainment at Gatwick Airport for 26 hours before transferring me to a detainment centre, where I slept and slept before being sent back to Canada.


Brian Miller said...

wow...i think i might have lost my stuff as well under those circumstances....dang...good thing they did not keep you longer as well...ha...ugh...


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