Lonely Silhouette

19 January 2011

He evaporated, leaving only a memory, etched in my mind. It left me feeling lonely, the kind of lonely one feels after the amputation of everything familiar and treasured. An amputee, yes, I felt like an amputee. Complete with phantom pain. He evaporated, leaving my heart feeling desert-dry, and at the same time, like a great swollen river which has flooded its banks. He evaporated, leaving a lonely metal soul, seeking. Seeking nourishment for my loneliness, seeking something to fill the nothing.

He evaporated, leaving his flesh dissolved, and his form dissipated. And leaving me, to become a mere silhouette of my former self. A silhouette who drowns in the darkness, uttering soundless words. In that moment, the moment of my drowning into the darkness, I realized that I don’t choose fate, that fate chooses me. Then I reached the point of no return, a point from which I seem unable to advance. Then I reached the utter desolation of depression.

An unfamiliar voice welcomed me to this unwaking world of violent sadness ~ a world where tear drops flow into a sea of despair, and where death seems like a welcome retreat. In this domain of the world, jelly fish speak, and the sea breathes ~ ebb and flow, inhale and exhale. And the only other sound I hear is the hollow, metallic rhythm of my heartbeat. Hollow, because of my heart’s incredible emptiness. Hollow, because I have vacated myself long, long ago. In this domain of the world, time does not extend and stretch itself, I do, up to and beyond the point of my breakage. And so walls erect themselves, to keep me inside, and to keep others outside. And everything becomes a tasteless, shapeless shadow of itself.



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